I always get my answer...though it ks difficult to hear and understand. I know you never would give me a chance...and that hurts me sooo much all the promises broken.I cant trust anything you say and it sucks all i ever wanted was a honest chance and ill never get that.
Im crazy...i look at you and i want to be with you forever. I want to be currled up with you and fall asleep. I want to have kids with you as many as you want...be they real or adoptive. Yet, i cant get you to seriously consider me as an option... you invite Chris over last night at 11pm. How am i supposed to react to that. I knew you and him were going to sleep together so i had to leave. I couldnt be here when that happened. Then i come home at 1am and he is here and stayed the night. So i stayed downstairs to avoid seeing him. How am i supposed to talk with you after all this? I am little dealing with this pain of a broken feeling in my chest. I am just a mess lately trying to figure out all these thoughts...so much so that i cant sleep.
It comes down to it....i wanna marry you damn the issues. I wanna smell your cocoa and almond haor shampoo. I wanna make cookies with you at 12 am and hold you all night...yup i wanna marry this girl.
Why do i feel like im not worthy? Why do i feel like you can replace me like that? Why do you say you know i love you and you <3 if you dont mean it? God this destroys me you have to know it...yet why do you do it? Why did you ask me to move with you knowing i care about you as i do? I guess ill just have let myself die on the inside and act like all is well. Thats what i do best not matter how much it fucks me up in the end.
I guess i should have known that i never had a chance with you. You said all these things you hate and then find everyone that does those things. I just wish i knew why you keep me around? Is it just to toy with me? Its killing me...i will always be your best friend but nothing more ever :'(
I wanna tell you all the things i love about you...not like. I love how you dont care what people think, i love how you get me out of my comfort zone, i love how you ised to hug me everytime before i would leave...still to this day i love your hugs though they are far less frequent. Im bothered by the choice in guys you have they all seem the same. No car, no license, no isurance, some no jobs, they all just see how beautiful you are and they just want you. I mean you probably tell them all these things you wont tell me. I look at you all time and just see beauty and all i want in my life and what i want my life to be and become. God i just want hug the hell out of you and kiss you all over. I want to marry you and show you off to all the world and be like this who i love and who i will spend the rest of my life with and raise a family with. Ohhh the joys of living in my head.
Man i suck at this....i cant do anything to make you laugh and smile it seems. I saw youbwere having a bad day i drove everywhere for you amd i even went and bought you somethings to let you know i thought of you and i get nothing it seems. We hardly talk much i guess its cause you have this Chris guy you talk to me about and you said he was a friend but i guess im the only friend who gets treated like i dont exist...until you need me to drove somewhere or do something for you. I just wanted a chance amd im not going to get that :'(
Im a broken jumble of a mess....i now dont feel anything but pain....just finish me off and move on with it.
I wish i knew what was going on in your head.. i know its pretty messed up in mine. Yet, i can't get you to open up to me. I have a fight im facing on two fronts (one side im dealing with processing all thats happened add on the other im dealing with you and your talking to other guys and im supposed to be ok with and fake a smile). I just feel myself falling apart little by little and i can't just grab ahold of you and confess that im right for you and your right for me. I cant get you to see it and i cant get you to understand how through all your faults and cares i see all your beauty. So ill just sit here and be like all is fine.
Im haunted by this teasing....you talk to me like things are great but really it sucks getting to watch you in all your beauty and sexiness. Knowing i cant do anything about how you dont care for me as i do for you.